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Weekly Wrap: Selfies, Yoga and Fake Whiskey (Op-Ed)

Russia hosted the twin BRICS and Shanghai Cooperation Organization summits final week. The esteemed member states have about half the world’s race between them, and a large cube of the tellurian GDP. So it’s a real contrition nobody beheld them.

But nobody cared — all eyes were on Greece and the Iran talks. And let’s face it — a small nation like Greece withdrawal the EU is most some-more critical than any acronym shifts at the BRICS, and Iran can play with the Shanghai Organization all day long, yet it has no impact on those reactors and oil tankers prepared to go West.

Something good came out of it, though — President Vladimir Putin betrothed to take adult yoga after assembly with the Indian primary minister. Yes, that’s the same use that was criminialized by Siberian officials the week before as occult.

Since it is improbable that Russia could be run by an immorality sorcerer overlord, this contingency meant that those officials will get off yoga’s case, so strike that Vrksasana poise and feel tighten to the president.

Putin pronounced he is usually doing the spiritual partial of yoga for now. But he is firm to move to the earthy thing — at which point, he will fundamentally turn a true ascetic, evaporate up, live perpetually and — the forecast — eventually collect adult a lightsaber.

Imitation Game

As the leader flexed his devout muscle, his subjects flexed their mercantile wit in the conflict opposite sanctions. The latest blow to the EU-U.S. hydra comes from booze makers — who flooded the Russian marketplace with whiskey, rum and gin imitations.

The stuff is legal, marketed as “gin/rum-tasting” and, in some cases, even contains traces of the tangible drink on the label. One recipe lists things like coffee, clover and cardamom — in addition to ethanol. Glenfiddich makers contingency be stealing their faces in their kilts.

And yet it creates ideal sense, does it not? Russia already has feign politics, feign elections, factory-made politicians (I mean, demeanour at them), feign people on the Internet brisk around your favorite comments territory like a Mongol society on vacation in Samarkand.

There are bikers roving feign Russian motorcycles finished in Italy, and a artificial fight that does not exist even yet soldiers are court-marshaled for refusing to fight in it — while the decadents fill themselves on Norwegian-tasting salmon from landlocked Belarus.

So, feign rum? Make cavern a double, honey, and add some additional cardamom!

A Game of Kick-the-Prez

Meanwhile in Siberia, a bunch of men kicked U.S. President Barack Obama in the face. You could indeed also flog him in the shins or groin at your leisure, yet we got the best measure for a peculiarity heel to the nose of the 44th boss of the United States of America.

Luckily, the POTUS was a cardboard cutout displayed during open festivities. Authorities in the city of Bratsk fast cleared their hands of the whole thing, observant it was a grassroots bid by a internal male who wanted to promote karate at the same time as creation a political matter (which he unequivocally did).

Obama is admittedly not most of a fighter — yet he still gave a good comment of himself: One kick-the-POTUS try finished in the assailant alighting on his butt, judging from a declare video. (Imitation whiskey competence have been involved.)

But in any case, these immature Siberian gentlemen are fighting a cardboard cutout of a male they have never met. Don’t they have improved things to do?

There is a more sinister side to the thing, though, and this is sensitive magic. You know, the kind when we paint a bison on the wall of your cave, stalk it, and hey presto! Bison beef in the evening.

Obama sports no black eye, so the magic contingency have failed. But the important doubt is, how can we have sensitive sorcery in a 21st century, allegedly Christian, country? Unless there unequivocally is an evil wizard overlord in charge, of course. In which box it’s substantially OK as prolonged as we flog the right president.

Selfie With Darwin

The true repairs finished to humanity by the anti-Russian sanctions became transparent final week, when the country announced a helpline for selfie addicts. Well, it is unequivocally only a general obsession hotline, yet Russia’s arch narcologist pronounced they would assistance we if we can’t stop holding narcissistic snapshots. They’ve had 200 calls so far.

Selfies, as we know, are a bad use in Charles Darwin’s bill book: In Russia alone, people have suffered or perished photographing themselves on bridges, roofs and train automobile tops, or from holding things like vipers, land mines and loaded guns (bang!).

And therein lies the drama, for Russians are not the only ones to take selfies. The global physique count from selfies is over 50 this year, and if you’ve ever been in a place with an old church or house recently, we know the pandemic has swept the world.

But tourism is in decline in Russia, interjection to the sanctions (well, and the war, and the Kremlin’s isolationist venom-spewing). All those people could have finally turn wakeful of the risk that lurks in their smartphone, learnt not to pose with vipers, and spread the word. But since of this annoying Cold War 2.0, they will sojourn in the dim and poised for an obligatory assembly with Mr. Darwin.

Dear Mr. Obama, greatfully lift the sanctions. Think of the selfies!


Unfair Observer is the pen name of a Russian publisher that The Moscow Times has invited to observe the most brain-dead weekly developments in Russia.

Article source: http://www.themoscowtimes.com/article/525448.html

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